Tuesday, August 31, 2004

the one about MERDEKA

Tanggal 31
Bulan lapan lima puluh tujuh
Merdeka ! Merdeka !
Tetaplah merdeka
Ia pasti menjadi sejarah
Tanggal 31
Bulan lapan lima puluh tujuh
Hari yang mulia
Hari bahagia
Sambut dengan jiwa yang merdeka
Mari kita seluruh warga negara
Ramai-ramai menyambut hari merdeka
Merdeka !
Tiga satu bulan lapan lima puluh tujuh
Hari mulia negaraku merdeka
MERDEKA... apa itu MERDEKA? adakah kita sudah MERDEKA?.. hmmm.. for me, technically memang kita dah merdeka.. bebas dr segala jajahan asing.. berdiri atas kaki sendiri.. lahirnya WAWASAN 2020.. but r we actually MERDEKA, spiritually?.. renung2 kan lah...
talk about patriotism.. if we flip tru dictionary, patriotism is defined as when u love ur country and are proud of it.. and a patriot is defined as a person who loves his/her country and if neccessary, would fight for it.. nowadays, does this patriotism still live in us?.. how many people out there is truly a patriot?.. hmm..
for the 1st time after 10 years, i eventually got the chance to celebrate MERDEKA DAY with MOM!! we didn't do anything much, though, just savour up our time together, laying in front of TV, watching and trying to spot my frens from work during the perbarisan in Kuantan. last nite was supposed to go to KLCC for Konsert Merdeka with ANIEM, LINDA, WAN & IPIN.. but since MOM's here.. sorry guys...
MOM n ANJANG flew back to KUCHING, today.. sob!!! sob!!! sometimes i do regret being far from home, from MOM, cant really take care of her.. especially now, umur makin meningkat kan.. we might never know.. but maybe its written dat my rezeki is here, across the South China Sea.. but, one day, i'll come back, back to KUCHING, menaburkan bakti especially to u, MOM.. ur the best MOM in de world!!! mmuuaaxx....

Friday, August 27, 2004

the one about MOM


My beloved MOM n her grandkids..


hiyeeee... i'm back... hik... sorry for the long waiting... tengah syok nih sebenarnya.. know why? coz my MOM n MAK ANJANG are here.. n also ZAHID won the AF2... acooooooonyaa!!!! tau tak mcm mana ketagihan AF nih bermula?.. tanx to my MOM.. hik.. she introduced me to the AF2, n gave me the addiction.. masa AF1 dulu, so-so lah.. tp sempat gak menyelit gi tgk konsert ke-6, kalau x silap.. yg NANA ker, kena vote kluar.. abis2 opis jer terus g UPM, around 2pm.. n wat a long queue.. but we're in luck.. among 200 pepol yg dpt tiket.. n still waited with devotion till 7.30pm, sbb dah bleh masuk dewan... but have to stand, at the corner plak tuh.. ok gak, coz ngan bebudak UPM kan.. so havoc lah ckit our corner...

hmmm.. so back to my MOM nyer pengaruh, well.. tau2lah org baru nak start hidup kan.. so, xderlah nak meriah sgt ngan ASTRO.. so, every weekends, i'll go to my SIS's place at selayang, to watch d AF2 concerts.. disebabkan my house 'incomplete', walaupun dah kira 4 weeks my mom kt cni, she never sleeps at my house.. takut terlepas diari 'anak2' dier... sobb... saper tak sedih!! startlah merajuk.. tp mcm tak jln sangat.. so last2 pasang gak ASTRO kat umah... n since my SIS has to go to melaka for PTK, left my MOM no choice, but to berkampung at my place.. hihihihi... then my MAK ANJANG pun join sekali, coz terpengaruh ngan citer2 pasar mlm my MOM.. hmm.. those 2, kalau bab2 menyopping nih, serahkan kt diorg.. even i myself tak larat nak bawak kaki.. but sbg anak mithali kan.. syurga dibawah kaki IBU.. hik... my MOM n MAK ANJANG pro kat BOB.. rela habiskan kredit utk BOB than tepon anak2 dier.. kelakar tak?.. hik.. my house pun start full house, kira mini konsertlah.. and paling best masa final concert, everyone was so stunned with BOB sampai my MOM mmg tak berkata apa2.. n should have seen my MOM, time results kuar.. hik... mmuuuaaxxx.. really love u MOM!!!!!

me n mom di kaki tangga rumah Mahsuri..

Friday, August 13, 2004

the one about TREE, LEAF and WIND

Story of Tree, Leaf and Wind..
Hiyee all.. got something dat i wanna share with u guys..this thing was from a fren.. makes me wonder about relationship/ affection/ friendship/ love or watsoever.. esp between friends.. if the relationship goes well, everyone's happy.. but wat if it turns sour.. hmmm... u know wat i mean, rite?..


Tree


The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, and doesn’t have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal. I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watches me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years. She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so. My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laughs & joke with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heartache is as bad as hers. When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know who the guy is. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy who’s full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school. I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reach home, the heart ache is like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence? During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Leaf

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemons. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a month, he got together with another gal. I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he doesn't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right? Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, loves him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompanies me for 3 years. Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

Wind

Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him. One day, she didn't appear. I felt something a missed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note. The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left. Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away. It's not that leaf’s heart is too heavy. It’s because leaf never want to leave tree. I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

“You yearn for WHAT you Fantasize than to realize WHO you should Treasure”

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

the one about LOVE

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you have become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."


Tuesday, August 03, 2004

PILOT: the one where I STARTED IT ALL

At last, my very own blog.. its been a while since i've registered to this blogger thing.. but never have the time to actually type or put myself into this.. but i really enjoy reading other people's blog... so, here goes.. hopefully i could really drag myself to commit to this blog thing..

This is me.. well heloooo me.. cute lil me.. hee.. this pic was taken
in early 80's, meaning i'm a70's baby.. n i'm proud to be born in the 70's.. things were so much different back then.. hmm.. wish i could just stay as a baby n never grow up n old, so dat i wont be poluted with all the things dat happening around me, around the country, around the world, around the universe.. oh well, life goes on..

Those are my siblings.. my daddy, my mommy, big bro, 2 big sistas, me and my always-forever-being-bullied-by-me youngest bro.. (go anti-clockwise).. though non of us have the identical look like other family yg mostly adik-bradik muka sepesen jer.. but ours punya senyuman yg mempersonakan.. hik.. perasan jap.. but its quite true actually.. i'll put more pics of us later, as proof, worait..

hmm.. dats about it.. more to come.. lots to tell.. till then... tooodllleeeee loooooo...